Chatter Of The Squirrel

Movie: Max Payne

WHY ????

HOW ???

But at least it’s doing better than Beverly Hills Chihuahua…

Movie: The House Bunny

Got a whole bunch of free movie tickets, and no one to give it to… Almost everyone turned it down, except for Barry.

If no one had wanted the tix, I wouldn’t have bothered going either. But, Barry was going, and I hadn’t seen him in a while. Ah, well…

Didn’t know anything about the film. Took one look at its synopsis, and I figured this was the bastard mutant child of Legally Blonde and Hot Chick. Not a film that I will advertise having watched…

But it was free.

And, it didn’t turn out TOO bad… But then I had low expectations going in. And thus the film exceeded expectations…

The film started well, in Hugh Hefner’s Bunny Mansion. Plenty of ass cheeks to ogle at.

Anna Faris (of My Super Ex Girlfriend and Brokeback Mountaint… surprisingly) is the dumb blonde bunny with no survival skills that got kicked out of the mansion and ended up in a frat house. Plenty of dumb blonde jokes until it got tiresome.

But there were some funny moments. Like watching JackAss, seeing someone’s testicles crushed on a pole is inexplicably funny, even as your cremaster muscles cringe. House bunny’s many social faux pas were like that.

Still, it was fun seeing Tom Hanks’ kid. I think he’s still trying to find his Big. And this role isn’t it. Keep trying.

Movie: Mirrors

Mr. 24 acting in a horror film.

Mirrors at a burnt down department store showing spooky ghostly images.

Ex-cop sees spookiness. But estranged wife is a bitch and disbelieves him in typical Hollywood stereotype until she sees it for herself.

Spookiness begins to extend to Mr 24’s family, and the mirror kills his sister. Gruesomely.

Spookiness traced to a fire. Traced to an inhumane mental institute. Traced to a patient that should be dead but isn’t dead.

In the end, the source of the spookiness is attributed to a demon trapped in the mirrors, and a young girl who was possesed by said demon in her youth, who is now an aged nun living at a monestery away from mirrors. (Shouldn’t it be a convent? Who’s writing this script?)

Mr 24 pulls out a gun and drags the poor nun back to the demon, to her death. Who cares if she had suffered unspeakable pain and anguish for years at the hands of this demon. His family is in danger, so that makes it right to feed the old woman to the demon who wants to come back to the material plane.

Ending with a scene that TRIED SO HARD to emulate Father Merrin’s sacrifice. But lands flat of course. In modern Hollywood fashion, the climax of the movie devolved into a Thing-That-Wouldn’t-Die scene, with Mr 24 being thrown through walls, an explosion, and a lame twist ending.

Not really disappointing. Never had high hopes for it anyway. But it didn’t suck too bad. Still, it won’t be something I would recommend.

Movie: Sicko

Michael Moore, of Bowling for Columbine and Fahrenheit 9/11 fame, recently did Sicko.

This time, criticizing the American health care system and putting the spot light on one of the worst health care systems in the world.

Compared to sad Americans, I recently paid US$15 for 3 nights of hospital stay, 3 packs of O +ve, and a scope of my stomach.

Even Castro offered better health care than Bush.

Movie: Wanted

In spite of all the Angelina Jolie leggy-goodness that you’ll see in this movie, the one scene that I took away from the movie is the screen-cap above. This is where the protagonist smacked his friend’s head with his ergonomic keyboard.

The moment I started seeing the keys float towards the screen in slow-mo, I immediately KNEW it was going to spell something. Just like Shoot ‘Em Up. And a split second later, I also realised that there’s two “U”s in “F*CK YOU”, and wondered if the movie was going to goof. Until I see that bloody molar starting to float purposefully towards the screen too.

Hilarious moment. I just LOVE it when I see something new and creative.

Incidentally, it’s quite unlike that you can cause that much damage with a modern keyboard. Only the Model M keyboard has the heft to be used as a melee weapon.

Incidentally, I’m the proud owner of just such an antiquated Model M. Strong plastic, solid steel insides, 101 individual buckling springs and interchangeable keys.

Back to the movie…

Loser protagonist suffers from anxiety attacks. Angelina Jolie rescues him from an assassin. Morgan Freeman tells him his father’s been killed, he’s got special powers. He trains to kill. And takes his killing orders from a weaving loom. Then takes his revenge.

There’s plenty of stunts and very flashy CG. Action sequences like The Transporter. After all, this is an age where the audience appreciates flashy sights and sounds, not authentic stunts anymore. It’s the Barney generation, regretfully.

But, when you just want some mindless stimulation, then this is plenty good.